The Lis Files

lislislis @ 2006-04-21T16:34:00

2006-04-21T21:02:24Z

Daytime television is extremely bleak. I caught an episode of The Price Is Right this morning. At first everything on the show was as I remembered it from when I was a kid. There were prizes and whoever guessed the amount closest to the prize got a chance to try for another prize. I was disturbed when the show actually tried to play it off like a trip to Scottsdale, Arizona would be something people would actually plan to do on their own - without a funeral or a wedding obligating them to go. At that particular point in the show I was really only watching because I felt compelled to watch by the empty, weird feeling I was starting to get in the pit of my stomach. Eventually on the show an old lady managed to get to the Showcase portion of the show. The first contestant to play the final round was the old lady who was wearing a shirt that said something like, "Bob Barker is Number 1" on the front and "Tony Bennett is Number 2" on the back. The person playing against her was some older dude who didn't seem to be 100% clear on why he was standing on a stage, behind a pink podium. Strangely enough the old lady was behind a baby blue podium. It seemed wrong somehow. Just odd.

So anyway, the name of the game is to guess how much a package of random prizes would cost. The old woman was presented with these two outdoor heating things. The announcer said that they could project heat up to 20 feet away. The woman looked completely baffled by this prize. In fact, I don't even think she ever figured out what exactly the heaters were because she kept looking around and then looking back at the heaters with an expression that implied she had missed more than a couple of beats. The next prize was a chair. It was a reddish/pinkish lazy boy chair but it wasn't even a big, comfortable looking chair because when the model sat in it she didn't completely fit. That isn't a good thing considering the models are skinny. There were some other completely useless prizes but they escape my memory just now. The only thing of value was the car at the end. The car, which was a cadillac, was the only prize of any value. The old lady looked very taken aback by the car. I am fairly sure she was probably so old that she no longer even drives. She had those big bottle-cap glasses on that make a person's eyes look twice their real size. She also had trouble walking. I don't think a car was going to do her any good if she won it. She would have to sell it and I am sure she wasn't thinking that far ahead.

The man's prizes seemed a little better except the audience actually booed when they showed his first prize, which was a bedroom set. Then they showed a plasma television. I was thinking that the old lady probably would have liked that one better because it was really big and she could actually see it as opposed to some of her own weirdo prizes that she would never even have occasion to use. The man's last gift was a snow mobile. He actually got really excited over that. I figured that after seeing the old lady get the car in her package he would want one of his own, but he seemed content with the idea of the snow mobile.

Anyway, the man ended up winning. The old lady over-bid (but she was close!). It took her a few minutes to figure out she had lost, which was hard, on an emotional level, to watch...

lislislis @ 2006-03-09T18:45:00

2006-03-09T23:50:10Z

Not that this is on everyone's list of Must-Do-Before-I-Die, but if you plan to read one book about The Doors - just one book - then read No One Here Gets Out Alive. Do not read Riders on the Storm by band member John Densmore. I don't care what Robby Krieger says about this book being the "real story". I'm sorry but it is among one the worst books I have ever read and I am a huge Doors fan. Huge.

That is all..

lislislis @ 2006-03-02T11:22:00

2006-03-02T16:36:31Z

Extreme boredom leads to some ridiculously wasteful uses of time. For example, when I have nothing better to do I spend a lot of time trying to find movies to add to my netflix queue. It's a project in and of itself because it isn't like going to Blockbuster and having lots of movie covers presented to you, just waiting to be glanced over, rejected, scrutinized, pondered, laughed at (there are some amusing taglines and pictures especially with regard to the lower grade of movie), etc. On netflix you are at the mercy of the site which allows you to click on new releases, recommendations, and a few other poorly thought-out resources.

So when I saw "Werewolves on Wheels" listed on one such site I was thrilled. A title like that is good for so many things. The first thing I did was text David to tell him that he should watch the mail because the very next movie we would receive would undoubtedly be "Werewolves on Wheels". He is rather gullible, not to mention choosy when it comes to what movies he is willing to watch, so I knew this would be like shooting fish in a barrel. His reply was simply, "Ok!" and then a very delayed, "Do you mind explaining to me WHY that movie is coming?" To which I responded: "I dunno." He asked for a description and not thinking the real one (I hadn't even read it yet) would offer enough amusement I wrote this, "Provocative, yet ominous tale about a trek through the Australian Outback gone horribly wrong." I should have just used the real description because it turns out that it was much, much better. Behold:

"What happens when a motorcycle gang known as the Devil's Advocates sets off on a take-no-prisoners tour of the American Southwest? Well, for one thing, two of its members (Stephen Oliver and D.J. Anderson) meet up with a cult of satanic monks who promptly turn them into werewolves. An improbable marriage of road movie and horror flick, this offbeat film marks the directorial debut of Michel Levesque, who also penned the screenplay."

It is the part about the satanic monks that kind of makes you sit up and go, "Heh?"

I looked for member reviews on the movie and there was just one. It states:

"This is a guilty pleasure. The movie sucks but if you like the title and the concept there are gonna be parts of this curio that will amuse you.Billy Gray who appeared on Father Knows Best TV series and Barry Macguire who did the legendary protest song Eve Of Destruction are two of the filthy, iconoclastic bikers that unknowingly crash out at a satanic temple run by the ever eccentric Severn Darden( The Presidents Analyst).About half of the film appears to be improvised and if it's not they should say it is and be warned you aint gonna see the hog ridin' fur bags till the last five minutes of the picture.For all of it's faults it's still an insignificant and goofy bit of fun, a little slow but a reminder of the days when you could get away with any kind of mixed metaphor to get your product into the drive-in."

You can actually click a button to rate whether the member's input was "helpful" or "not helpful". I first have to say that the use of the word iconoclastic to describe this movie in any way, shape, or form seems like an abomination somehow. I can't decide whether the above review was helpful or not so I will have to defer responding to that. 3 out of 3 members voted that it was helpful but they could have been related to this person who calls themself "Dukey the Movie Clown" with a link that invites you to read other reviews Dukey has done. Which is tempting. Except I have to get back to work.

lislislis @ 2005-10-24T19:00:00

2005-10-24T23:05:39Z

People can get a little hopped up over the dumbest things. For example I had this man come in with a stock certificate. The thing had an issue date that went back to the 30's. The company was long since gone and the certificate was worthless. I got to break the bad news to the man and he asked to see the certificate. I handed it over to him and then he proceeded to throw it at me. Now mind you, it is never a good idea to throw anything made of paper unless you at least crumple it up first. The certificate kind of floated in the air a moment and then fluttered to the ground before even coming within a yard of me. I wanted to laugh, but obviously that would have been grossly inappropriate. The same man came back a few days later and asked me what the stock symbol for Fidelity was. I explained to him that Fidelity isn't a publicly traded company and he got upset. Again.

John Lennon wrote a song about his having left the Beatles. It goes like this...

People say I'm crazy
doing what I'm doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings
to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm o.k.
they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now
you no longer play the game

People say I'm lazy
dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice
designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I'm doing fine
watching shadows on the wall
Don't you miss the big time boy
you're no longer on the ball

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels
go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go

People asking questions
lost in confusion
Well I tell them there's no problem,
only solutions
Well they shake their heads and look
at me as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry...
I'm just sitting here doing time

I'm just sitting here watching
the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go

The Way Things Were

2005-10-13T23:02:07Z

Before you slip into unconsciousness,
I'd like to have another kiss,
Another flashing chance at bliss,
Another kiss.
Another kiss.

The days are bright and filled with pain.
Enclose me in your gentle rain.
The time you ran was too insane.
We'll meet again.
We'll meet again.

Oh, tell me where your freedom lies.
The streets are fields that never die.
Deliver me from reasons why
You'd rather cry.
I'd rather fly.

The crystal ship is being filled.
A thousand girls. A thousand thrills.
A million ways to spend your time.
When we get back,
I'll drop a line.

lislislis @ 2005-10-04T18:45:00

2005-10-04T22:57:27Z

Dinner is always a little strange. I listened to David and Brian talk about how one of the gyms has these alarms where if you grunt or make too loud a noise it causes them to go off. I don't know what the point of that is. Frankly I could see that being problematic - for example if someone is lifting really heavy weights and someone comes by them and grunts the alarm could go off and scare the person into dropping the weights. It just sounds odd. Then David and Brian got into a whole discussion about some gym that wouldn't let them pay a year up front. Apparently they were mad because they wanted to pay for the whole year but were told the gym only accepted monthly payments.

I've gotten a long way with the dog. Michelle keeps saying that if she picked a dog she wouldn't have chosen a Beagle. Brian is the one to thank for that. I had nothing to do with it. But since no one has a clue how to train her I've been stuck with the job. At first I received a lot of resistance. When I first incorporated "jail time" - which is essentially me taking the gate that keeps the dog from running out the front door and putting it against a wall to trap in the dog - everyone vetoed the idea. The vote was that we would tell the dog "no" and that would be that. I finally said to David, "Look, we've done it your way for a long time now and the dog is out of control. We are doing it my way." He wasn't amused at first, but adapted to the idea. Jail worked well right from the beginning. At first the dog thought jail time was a game and she wagged her tail and just stared at us. David would look over at her and giggle and so finally I told him that if he didn't knock it off he would have jail time too. That didn't work so I had to remove him from the room while the dog served out her sentence. Anyway, finally the dog caved and started to whine. She was no longer having fun. I was thrilled. I laughed and said, "Yes! She's MISERABLE!" David thought that was sadistic, but the reality is that jail time won't work unless she hates it. Let's just say that she's done a 180 since I first started working with her. I've trained her to sit and speak too, but David won't allow the speaking because she's a little loud.

Works good. The decaf coffee guy came in and I told him I had decaf coffee. He then asked for skim milk and I told him we didn't have skim milk - that we only had regular creamer. He was angry. Andy told me later on that I should have done what he always does and added some water to the creamer and told the guy it was skim milk. I said I couldn't do something like that and he said, "It must suck to have a conscience."

I have a mansion
Forget the price
Ain't never been there
They tell me it's nice

I live in hotels
Tear out the walls
I have accountants
Pay for it all

They say I'm crazy
but I have a good time
I'm just looking for clues
at the scene of the crime
Life's been good to me so far

My Maserati
Does one eighty-five
I lost my license
Now I don't drive

I have a limo
Ride in the back
I lock the doors
In case I'm attacked

I'm making records
My fans they can't wait
They write me letters
Tell me I'm great

So I got me an office
Gold records on the wall
just leave a message
Maybe I'll call

Lucky I'm sane
after all I've been through
I can't complain
but sometimes I still do
Life's been good to me so far

I go to parties
Sometimes until four
It's hard to leave
When you can't find the door

It's tough to handle
This fortune and fame
Everybody's so different
I haven't changed

They say I'm lazy
but it takes all my time
I keep on going guess I'll never know why